Leaf and Steel

motherhood - growth - living

My Baby Knows What She Needs

Ah, let me just grab my megaphone and get onto my soapbox.

*I feel very strongly about this*

I will be screaming all of this into the void for the rest of my life.

Let’s begin.

My baby knows what she needs and it’s my job to listen to her and respect her.

I don’t know how we are in a place where “gentle parenting” even has a name and isn’t just called “parenting yet”. There shouldn’t really be another option, right? Either way, I’m happy society is moving in the right direction.

My daughter has a voice. She’s had a voice since she was in the womb. She would respond to different stimuli- cold water, Chipotle, light. Even before she was “here”, she’s been communicating with me.

My partner and I talked (and continue to talk) about how important it is for our daughter to understand consent and to know that her voice is hers.

I am not in her body, I don’t know what she needs. So, when she wakes up crying at 3 am for the eighth night in a row because she needs a sip of water – I’m not going to deny her water.

If she is rubbing her eyes an hour before her usual nap time, I put her to bed a little earlier. If she takes a few bites of her dinner and says “done”, then I believe that she’s done.

It’s these small moments that show her that I am listening and that I believe her.

Here are some ways we listen to our child.

  • let her finish eating
  • let her have more food
  • let her nap when she’s tired
  • respect her when she says “no” to a hug, kiss, etc.
  • she doesn’t have to hug or be held by anyone if she doesn’t want to

That last one can be a little tricky, especially with family. Although she adores all of her family members, she doesn’t have to hug or be held by them if she doesn’t want to.

We are so grateful that our families respect her boundaries listen to her voice.

When we stop responding to our babies in the middle of the night, tell them they need to eat when they aren’t hungry, tell them they are “fine” when they tell us they feel sick, we are teaching them to go against their gut.

My baby has a gut. It’s hers. She has intuition. Kids are like dogs, they pickup on things adults do not. It’s my job as a parent to protect her gut and listen to her, to teach her how to use it.

Here are some things we do to keep her intuition intact:

  • help her know the difference between a secret and a surprise
  • tell her the difference between safe and unsafe touching
  • tell her who to go to if she needs help
  • remind her that mommy and daddy will always keep her safe
  • remind her that there’s nothing she can do to make us stop loving her

I cannot wait for social media rules regarding parents and kids. I can’t wait for Instagram Coogan accounts.

I have this blog, I have social media. And I have a strict code of ethics when it comes to posting about my kid.

For the love of God, please stop posting bath pics. Stop telling strangers on the internet about potty training. Stop posting embarrassing videos, personal information, or school details.

Your child is a human being who ALREADY has thoughts and feelings.

Here are some of the ways we protect our child’s privacy:

  • respecting when she doesn’t want her picture taken
  • vigorously reviewing everything we post about her, including pictures
  • not disclosing her medical information
  • changing her privately rather than in front of people
  • asking others to respect our wishes as far as posting pictures and information about her

I could go on and on.

I think it’s really important for all of us to take time every so often to reflect on the fact that kids are just smaller adults.

It’s important to review safety protocols and define respect for your family.

What are your thoughts?

What do you feel strongly about as a parent?
Let me know below.

O.

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Guest Post: How to Be a More Self-Confident Mother and Enhance Your Life

Today’s post is a guest post by Katie Conroy from advicemine.com. If you are interested in guest posting on Leaf and Steel, head over here!

How to Be a More Self-Confident Mother and Enhance Your Life

Nobody said being a mom was easy. Motherhood is a big responsibility and comes with many expectations, both within and without. It can be daunting, and often overwhelming. How do you take care of someone else when looking after yourself is often a struggle? The answer is by being self-confident! 

When you’re self-confident, you’re powerful. When you’re powerful, you can move mountains – or at least take care of your family and just live life better. Finding some extra self-confidence will go a long way toward making your journey as a mom smoother and more enjoyable. Today, Leaf and Steel offers some tested-and-true advice on becoming a more self-confident person (and mother):      

Praise Yourself

When was the last time you said or admitted something good about yourself? Appreciating yourself for everything you do, big and small, is a necessary first step in feeling good about yourself. And when you feel good about yourself, you’re more confident in who you are – which in turn makes doing new things easier. See the self-perpetuating cycle here?

Practice praising yourself for how far you’ve come, how much you’ve achieved, and how well you take care of your loved ones. It’s how you’ll slowly and surely build up your self-confidence levels, says Mindvalley. It’s also a great way to improve the overall positivity of your household.

Be Okay with Being Judged

Being a mother opens you up to many judgments, as you’re doubtless aware. Everyone has an opinion on how you should raise your kids, and how well you’re doing. Not everyone will see your challenges and the sacrifices you make. The criticisms will flow, essentially, and praise may be non-existent – and that’s okay. Realize that the way people treat you says more about them than it does about you.

Learn to read people’s intentions instead of taking their words at face value. Be at peace with how you’re doing as a parent (and otherwise) – that’s what really matters. 

Change Up Your Friend Circle

Do the people around you push you down or pull you up? As Sigmund Freud put it, “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure you are not just surrounded by idiots”. The people around you have a massive impact on your self-confidence, beliefs, and ways of being. If they’re supportive, caring, and kind, it’s easier to be comfortable in your own skin and be more self-confident. If they’re toxic or manipulative, they’re going to thrive on you being weak (not confident), and be invested in pulling you down. Set strong boundaries for existing relationships, and find better people, if necessary.

Go in a Different Career Direction

The work you do is an important part of your identity. Performing your job well and making a difference in other people’s lives, in whatever fashion, can help you gain self-respect. If you feel your career isn’t where it should be, or you’re concerned about balancing your current career with your family life, don’t hesitate to go back to school to enhance your prospects. For instance, an online degree in business could help you gain business acumen – whether your program of choice is business management, management and leadership, or marketing – and just become a more capable person overall.

Groom and Dress Well

Appearances matter. The way you look affects the way other people perceive you and treat you. More importantly, the way you look also affects how you perceive and treat yourself. By dressing well, visiting the spa, and taking care of your body and hair, you’re going to look and feel prettier. Don’t be afraid of indulging yourself every once in a while. If you make grooming a habit, you’ll quickly witness an increase in your self-confidence levels.

Take Care of Your Body

Your body, along with your mind and emotions, is one of the pillars of your existence. You must look after it well to keep it beautiful and healthy. When your body is in good shape, you have plenty of energy, feel more capable, and can do more. If you don’t look after your body enough, you are going to feel down, drained, and incapable. Start a fitness routine, eat healthier, and do your best to fulfill your body’s needs to be more self-confident.

Allow Failure to Teach You 

Success is at the end of the road riddled with failures. Don’t let your failures destroy your self-confidence. Society often conditions us to feel bad about our mistakes, with guilt and self-criticism becoming our constant companions. It’s important to understand that making mistakes is being human. No one is perfect, and you don’t learn to walk without falling down a few times. In fact, falling is intrinsic to understanding how to not fall. Mistakes teach you what not to do next time. They’re priming you for success if you let them. 

Trust Yourself

When you trust, you’re confident in something or someone. You trust the ground to be solid, water to be wet, and probably your parents to care about you – but do you trust yourself? Trust is intrinsic to confidence. Most people trust themselves in some ways, but not others. You probably trust yourself to get out of bed without assistance, for example, but do you trust yourself to return a million dollars you found lying on the ground?

The answer, for most people, is maybe! You should choose to trust yourself to return the money (or not. Hey, it’s a million dollars, we make no judgments here). The key part is choosing to trust yourself to do or be a certain way. If you aren’t there yet, trust that you’re still learning how, and you will get there in time. You have to crawl before you can walk. Trust the process, and do attempt.

Confidence takes time to build up. It’s tied to how you feel and think about yourself – and changing your mindset isn’t something that will happen overnight. Be persistent, set short-term and long-term goals, and learn how to be there for yourself while you make changes (big or small). You will, eventually, get there – and you will be able to teach your kids to be the same way. It helps everyone, so don’t hesitate to invest in yourself.

Katie Conroy enjoys writing and created advicemine.com where she shares advice from her experiences, education & research. She particularly enjoys writing about lifestyle topics and created the website to share advice she has learned through experience, education and research.

You can find Katie at advicemine.com, or shoot her an email at info@advicemine.com !

Thank you, Katie, for your article!

For more information on guest posting on Leaf and Steel, click here!

What do you do to build confidence as a parent?

Let us know below!

O.

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Lessons from Stay-at-Home Moms

If you are interested in guest posting on Leaf and Steel, please check out our Guest Post page for guidelines!

Being a stay-at-home mom is hard work! I knew that being constantly responsible for Baby M and putting my career on hold would be a challenge, but I deeply underestimated the sacrifice I was making.

I feel incredibly blessed to be able to stay home with my daughter – especially when she was a tiny infant. It was a decision that my husband and I discussed before we were even married. There was no question that we wanted me to be home with the baby for the first year or two.

We’ve put off a lot of “big” expenses and I definitely have given up a portion of my sanity, but it’s all been worth it.

Keep reading to hear tips from fellow stay-at-home moms!

“Having kids—the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings—is the biggest job anyone can embark on.”

Maria Shriver

What’s the hardest part about being a stay-at-home mom?

For me, the hardest part about being a stay-at-home mom is not having the structure of a workday on top of not having my own income.

I’m sure you already know that being a stay-at-home mom is work. I know that I’m personally exhausted at the end of the day, even if it sometimes feels like I didn’t actually do anything.

Sometimes I have to remind myself of that a nanny or housekeeper would get paid for what I’m doing for free.

I have feverous re-read this article from Investopedia, “How Much Is a Stay-at-Home Parent Worth?” (click for reference):

According to 2019 data from Salary.com, if you are a stay-at-home parent and paid for your services, you would be looking at a median annual salary of $178,201. Why? Because many stay-at-home parents work around the clock. If you have young children, work can often mean nighttime feedings, greeting early morning risers, and late-night meal prep.

Investopedia, How Much Is a Stay-at-Home Parent Worth?

Is being a stay-at-home mom worth it?

If you’re looking for an answer to this, you won’t find one.

One reason is that the answer varies based on your partner’s income, your home life, your child’s needs, the economy, and your personality. You will find plenty of working moms who wish to be home, and moms who spend naptime dreaming of being back at the office.

We can’t choose all paths, right? So, there’s always going to be a sacrifice. I know I have put my career on hold for time with my daughter, time that I know I won’t get back. I don’t know how that will affect my long-term earning power or work life.
Is it worth it? I believe that happy, secure parents = happy, secure baby, so whatever gets you there is the right path to walk.

Tips from stay-at-home moms

Here’s my tip:

Do whatever you want while baby is napping. Whatever you want. Whether that’s a nap or scrolling on Instagram or eating raw cookie dough while writing a blog post (like I am right now). Save the chores and checklists for when baby is up. They are fine entertaining themselves or observing you!

O, Leaf and Steel

The best tip I have for stay-at-home moms is… Be you and be gentle with you! There is no stay-at-home mold, so trying to put yourself into one or creating one, may be be very frustrating. Being as true to yourself is what will make this season enjoyable. So if your an artist at heart, paint with you littles. If you are a chef at heart, whip it up in the kitchen with kiddos. If you are a napper at heart. Create a schedule that includes spa like vibes and cucumber water and lay-it-down! Just remember this a hard job, but mama you are right for the job and if someone doesn’t like what or how you do it… tell them to stay hydrated and mind their business.

Leah, Those Who Can’t Vlog, Blog (itsleahb.wordpress.com)

“As a stay-at-home mom, I have had to learn many things, but the most important thing I have learned is that I am enough. My son doesn’t care how I look, how much money I make, or what my past looks like-he only cares about me being there for him. Being the best mom I can be, every day, is more than enough for him.”

Jaimie, The Naptime Blogger (thenaptimeblogger.com)

Don’t read into the motherhood help books/websites too much. It will cause you more stress than you already can handle in daily life. Give yourself grace and roll with it day by day.

Michelle, Mrs. Michelle Gomez (mrsmichellegomez.com)

Becoming a stay-at-home mom for myself was completely new and eye opening when the pandemic first happened. Two things I learned to work on for myself that I would suggest to any stay-at-home mom is to not pressure yourself to complete every single task and to make sure to reach out to other moms or friends that will help you maintain your sense of self. We become so focused on doing and going for our family and household that we don’t do the simple things that make us happy and feel like the individual we are. 

Nicole, The Expressive Mom (theexpressivemom.com)

Do you have a tip for other stay-at-home moms?

Were you a stay-at-home parent or plan on becoming one?

Let me know below!

O.

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Little Things I Do To Make my Baby Feel Loved

One of my favorite things about being a mom is showing my daughter just how much I love her! There’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and child. One of my jobs as a stay-at-home-mom, or any mom, really, is to make sure her world is filled with comfort, happiness, and love! 

Since she is one, she is spoiled by simple pleasures. This is what I love about tiny children – they find joy in the smallest things. Yesterday, Baby M entertained herself with a half-filled sprinkle container, shaking it back and forth.

We all know the stories of the kids who would rather play with the cardboard box that the toy comes in rather than the actual toy, and those anecdotes are completely true!

If there’s one thing we all can appreciate about children it is their innate ability to find enjoyment in the most unassuming things.

We took her to a local holiday light show at Christmastime. It brought tears to my eyes to watch her little face light up with amazement. Last summer, we took her to a farm in Lancaster, PA, and she was absolutely ecstatic to see so many chickens.

It’s true that having children really does make you notice and appreciate the little things.

There are some acts of kindness that I like to practice with my daughter every day. I want nothing more for her to feel safe, loved, and cared for. I have such fond memories of my own mother taking care of me with tender, loving care.

So, here are some of the ways I’ve been giving my girl the love she deserves lately!

Loads of Affection

This one is completely natural! Hugs, kisses, pats…showing constant affection for my baby shows her I’m here and I love her.

Cut sandwiches into shapes

The easiest way to do this is to get a pack of cookie cutters. I use them on everything, from cucumbers to apples to sandwiches.

Bubble Baths

My baby loves a good bubble bath (who doesn’t?)! Burt’s Bees Bubble Bath is our soap of choice.

Set Up Toys

My husband and I set up her toys in the family room play area in different arrangements each night. I have a post on how to set up a learning center for your one-year-old here. I feel like Dwight Schrute setting up Michael’s action figures every night – ha! It makes every morning feel like Christmas morning.

Adventure

Baby M is my “little adventure buddy”. Although I’m pretty introverted, having a built-in travel companion has been so much fun! We visit the local farm, the pet store, the library – anywhere we can go, we go! If it is winter where you are too, check out my post on 5 Free Indoor Places to Go with Baby.

Lots of Fresh Air and Sunshine

We love being outdoors any chance we get. Even though Long Island winters are dark and gloomy, we try to get out anytime the weather warms up. Baby M loves to “travel” by stroller or wagon.

Validate Feelings

This one should go without saying! Labeling and validating my little one’s emotions helps both of us. It helps my daughter learn to identify her feelings and that all feelings are valid! It helps me because it causes me to slow down and put myself in her shoes rather than getting frustrated. She is right on the cusp of toddler-hood so it must be so hard for her to figure out what she needs and how to communicate to me! Empathy is key.

These are just some of the things I do to make my daughter feel loved and that help me feel like I’m being a “good mom”. If cutting sandwiches into shapes isn’t your thing, or you aren’t able to take them on adventures, that’s cool too.

I believe that there are countless ways that we can show our love. At the end of the day, I think patience, kindness, love, and consistency is what makes a good mom.

Do you do any of these for your child? What was the most important thing your parent did for you growing up?

Let me know below!

O.

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If you are interested in guest posting on Leaf and Steel, please check out our Guest Post page for guidelines!

7 Things I Do Every Day as a Stay at Home Mom

I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for 8 months now and I love it! I am so grateful that I’m able to be home with my daughter. There have been SO many sacrifices to make this work, but it’s been worth it.

It took me a while to figure out my rhythm and how to have a productive day. It took me even longer to see value in what I am doing. It really is a full time job. I am a nanny, a chef, a secretary, a personal shopper, a housecleaner, a milk factory, a teacher and countless other job titles.

There are people making a lot of money doing what I do.

I am also a wife, a daughter, a friend, a sister, a writer, and a member of the community.

I am so much more than a stay-at-home mom. That’s why it’s been important for me to take time every day to do the following 7 things!

Here are 7 things I do as a stay-at-home parent to stay sane!

1. “Work” Time

Being a stay-at-home parent means that I take on more work around the house, simple as that. I take time throughout the day to work on the annoying tasks that have to get done, like

  • scheduling
  • being put on hold for half the day by Verizon, Staples, etc.
  • forgetting to put 1 essential food item on my shopping list and then spending an hour going back to the store to get it
  • spending several days taking my 10-year-old printer apart instead of biting the bullet and buying a new one

2. Walk

Walking is the only type of “exercise” that works for me. I really do it to clear my mind and get some fresh air for me and the baby. We like to find little waterfronts to explore and we always play this checklist game.

  • LOOK for 1 dog
  • LOOK for 1 cat
  • LISTEN for 1 bird
  • SMELL 1 new smell (fresh cut grass, laundry)

And of course, say hi to anyone we pass, because becoming a mom has made me friendly. Or, maybe it’s just the lack of socialization in 2021 ha!

3. Relax

I relax for part of nap time. I have to. I “work” 24 hours a day. It took me a little while to see that it’s perfectly okay for me to take time to relax as a stay at home parent. I have no lunch break. I have no “decompression” time on my commute home. It’s on me to manage my mental wellness and realize when it’s time to be productive and when it’s time to put my feet up and scroll Instagram or watch TV.

4. Reach out

It can be mind numbing to talk to a baby all day. The narration, the “oohs” “aahs” and “yayayays” make me feel like a robot some days. That’s why I’ve made it a priority since my daughter was born to make a phone call every day. It’s one of the easiest ways to stay grounded in the insanity

5. Get out of the house

I hate this one, but I do it anyway! Maybe it was the events of 2020 that caused me to be comfortable with being a shut-in. Leaving the house can be hard. Leaving the house with a baby can be even harder. Every day, we try to get out of the house. Even if it’s just those waterfront walks or the grocery store, being in public and getting a change of scenery keeps me grounded.

Our new favorite place is the pet store, or what I like to call the “free zoo”. Baby M loves looking at the fish and kittens up for adoption. It’s a quick and easy way to keep her entertained out of the house. We’re always looking for fun, easy, free things to do together – if you have any suggestions, let me know below!

6. Work on my hobbies

This is the hardest one on the list. I struggle with finding the motivation to work on the things that fill up my cup. Writing, reading and working on my side projects sometimes get put on the back burner. However, I’ve found I’m a better mom and an all around better person when I’m carving out time to work on the things that bring me joy. After spending %90 of my day giving my energy to other things, this time is necessary.

7. Play!

The most important thing I do as a stay-at-home is PLAY with my baby! There’s nothing better than sitting down on the floor and reading my daughter a book or playing peekaboo. The sound of her little laugh when I pretend to eat her feet fills my heart with so much joy. I know that after food, a safe place to live, and clean clothes, my uninterrupted time is the most valuable thing I can provide for my child.

What do you think of this list? What do you do to stay sane as a stay at home parent?

Let me know below.

O.

Baby’s 12 Summer Essentials

Summer is just around the corner and things are looking different since having a baby.

After a long winter we are ready to get outside in the sun and celebrate! My daughter loves to play in the backyard and will soon be headed to the beach to get her first taste of the Long Island Sound.

I’m looking forward to making tons of joyful memories with my daughter this summer.

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I’ve compiled a list of 12 essentials for baby’s first summer! Now bring on the popsicles and fireworks…

The best part of bringing baby to the beach? Picking out those tiny swimsuits! This one from RuffleButts has that classic American style perfect for summer.

Get 20% off your first order!

I had never heard of this product before I became a mom! It’s a carseat cooler and it’s basically a series of ice packs that you can place in baby’s seat before they ride. We have the UppaBaby Mesa and it gets super hot. There are so many on the market, but Little Bum Coolers have the most stylish prints and affordable pricing.

A fan that grips onto the stroller, car seat, table, and more? I’ll take one too. This one is battery powered and will outlive the infant days.

This splash pad is ready for hours of fun in the backyard. It’s lightweight and the soft plastic makes it easy to fold up when not in use. It just needs to be hooked up to a hose!

I always put a hat on my daughter when we head outside in sunny weather. I do this in addition to sunscreen for extra protection. She’s very fair and I want to protect her delicate skin! She also looks downright adorable in eyelet. This one is only $14.99…

This has been on my list since I was pregnant. I consider this a childhood staple and will outlast the infant stage. This Little Tikes one has amazing reviews. It can be used in the winter, too. Just fill it with snow or bring it inside and create a sensory table with dry rice or pasta.

I first came across Badger baby sunscreen when I was a preschool teacher, and then it came up again when I was researching sunscreen for my child. Badger is reef safe, water resistant and non-nano. A little bit goes a long way! Here’s a link to Amazon but it can also be found at Target.

I’ll be bringing my daughter to friends’ pools this summer and they’ve all recommended a floaty like this. The umbrella is a great way to block excess sun.

Make baby a breastmilk or teething popsicle with this teetherpop! I’ve been freezing Earth’s Best Organic baby food in Gootensils but using an actual baby popsicle maker works much better!

Get 20% off your first order

These are the Target Cabana towels! They measure 58’x48′, so perfect for a little one. Their smaller size and lightweight material make them a summer essential.

At an affordable $6, I’ll take one in every color.

My daughter has a whole collection of sunnies! They’re a great way to protect baby’s sensitive eyes and are the sweetest little accessory. These flower ones are absolutely perfect.

Last, but not least, what summer would be complete without a kiddie pool? While the plain round ones remain a staple, the internet has provided us with so many more options, such as this affordable dinosaur model complete with a volcano slide.

What are your summer baby essentials? Let me know down below…

O.

The Best Baby Advice I’ve Received

“Go by the baby, not the book.”

It’s the best advice I’ve ever received. Before I was a mom I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I knew exactly what my baby would like or dislike. I would read about the magical connection brought on by baby carriers. I had visions of myself baby-wearing throughout the day, getting things done and soaking up that skin-to-skin contact. Well, my daughter gets overheated very quickly and greatly dislikes the carriers we have.

I read that I shouldn’t introduce a pacifier for a month to avoid “nipple confusion”, but you bet your bottom dollar I was breaking open the binky packaging at 4 am on our first night home. Same with bottles. And teethers.

There are so many “rules” to parenting. So many suggestions. So many apps telling me when and how to feed, nap and bathe my baby. I think I’ve broken almost all of rules the so far. And were doing just fine.

Although I’ve only been doing this for four short months (which is really four years in mom-time), I’ve learned to read my baby’s cues and meet her needs based on this. If she’s vigorously rubbing her eyes, she goes to sleep, even if my Huckleberry app is saying she isn’t due for a nap for another hour. If she’s sucking her hand, she eats. I’m not sleep training. I’m not timing how long she eats anymore.

I go by my baby, not the book. She is fed, clean, well rested and HAPPY. It’s an absolute privilege to respond to her needs and be present for her.

So, go by your baby not the book. They’re going to change the advice in 10 years anyways.

What lessons have you “unlearned” while parenting?

O.