mother Archives - Leaf and Steel

Turning Off the TV

May 25, 2022

Some days, it’s okay to just turn off the TV.

It’s okay to put yourself in a little bubble. Skip dinner. Bake chocolate chip cookies. Eat the cookies for dinner.

I pulled up the news last night on my phone and instantly exited the page. I texted my husband something like, “I’m not looking, don’t tell me anything”.

I swiftly deleted all social media off my phone. I called my closest friend and cried. Cried in the shower. Cried about something happening to my child. I realized that she was sound asleep in her crib on the other side of the wall.

The disconnect between the way that I feel and my reality feels vast on days like yesterday. There’s so much terror. Such an ugly word. A word reserved for such extreme moments. Like yesterday.

I read something a long time ago that went along the lines of “our brains weren’t meant to process suffering on such a large scale”. I don’t know the quote. If you know the quote, let me know.

Basically, our brains aren’t designed for this. I wasn’t designed for this.

I used to think that being in on all the news meant that you were intelligent and informed and compassionate, and that’s probably true.

I used to feel like I knew everything about everything. I checked the news compulsively and I didn’t check my own suffering while ogling others’. Ladies and gentlemen, I am bowing out.

I don’t know any details. I don’t want to know. It’s not a hurricane warning – there’s nothing I need to know that’s going to change anything.

I have hope for a different future. Every generation has it’s stuff. I use statistics to quiet my anxiety and I hug my baby girl a little bit tighter, like every other mother in America.

I hope you do a gut check, and know that sometimes it’s okay to turn off the TV and put down your phone and take care of yourself during times like these.

There’s so much good in the world, still.

You find what you look for.

Lessons from Stay-at-Home Moms

April 11, 2022

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Being a stay-at-home mom is hard work! I knew that being constantly responsible for Baby M and putting my career on hold would be a challenge, but I deeply underestimated the sacrifice I was making.

I feel incredibly blessed to be able to stay home with my daughter – especially when she was a tiny infant. It was a decision that my husband and I discussed before we were even married. There was no question that we wanted me to be home with the baby for the first year or two.

We’ve put off a lot of “big” expenses and I definitely have given up a portion of my sanity, but it’s all been worth it.

Keep reading to hear tips from fellow stay-at-home moms!

“Having kids—the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings—is the biggest job anyone can embark on.”
Maria Shriver

What’s the hardest part about being a stay-at-home mom?

For me, the hardest part about being a stay-at-home mom is not having the structure of a workday on top of not having my own income.

I’m sure you already know that being a stay-at-home mom is work. I know that I’m personally exhausted at the end of the day, even if it sometimes feels like I didn’t actually do anything.

Sometimes I have to remind myself of that a nanny or housekeeper would get paid for what I’m doing for free.

I have feverous re-read this article from Investopedia, “How Much Is a Stay-at-Home Parent Worth?” (click for reference):

According to 2019 data from Salary.com, if you are a stay-at-home parent and paid for your services, you would be looking at a median annual salary of $178,201. Why? Because many stay-at-home parents work around the clock. If you have young children, work can often mean nighttime feedings, greeting early morning risers, and late-night meal prep.
Investopedia, How Much Is a Stay-at-Home Parent Worth?

Is being a stay-at-home mom worth it?

If you’re looking for an answer to this, you won’t find one.

One reason is that the answer varies based on your partner’s income, your home life, your child’s needs, the economy, and your personality. You will find plenty of working moms who wish to be home, and moms who spend naptime dreaming of being back at the office.

We can’t choose all paths, right? So, there’s always going to be a sacrifice. I know I have put my career on hold for time with my daughter, time that I know I won’t get back. I don’t know how that will affect my long-term earning power or work life.
Is it worth it? I believe that happy, secure parents = happy, secure baby, so whatever gets you there is the right path to walk.

Tips from stay-at-home moms

Here’s my tip:

Do whatever you want while baby is napping. Whatever you want. Whether that’s a nap or scrolling on Instagram or eating raw cookie dough while writing a blog post (like I am right now). Save the chores and checklists for when baby is up. They are fine entertaining themselves or observing you!
O, Leaf and Steel

The best tip I have for stay-at-home moms is… Be you and be gentle with you! There is no stay-at-home mold, so trying to put yourself into one or creating one, may be be very frustrating. Being as true to yourself is what will make this season enjoyable. So if your an artist at heart, paint with you littles. If you are a chef at heart, whip it up in the kitchen with kiddos. If you are a napper at heart. Create a schedule that includes spa like vibes and cucumber water and lay-it-down! Just remember this a hard job, but mama you are right for the job and if someone doesn’t like what or how you do it… tell them to stay hydrated and mind their business.
Leah, Those Who Can’t Vlog, Blog (itsleahb.wordpress.com)

“As a stay-at-home mom, I have had to learn many things, but the most important thing I have learned is that I am enough. My son doesn’t care how I look, how much money I make, or what my past looks like-he only cares about me being there for him. Being the best mom I can be, every day, is more than enough for him.”
Jaimie, The Naptime Blogger (thenaptimeblogger.com)

Don’t read into the motherhood help books/websites too much. It will cause you more stress than you already can handle in daily life. Give yourself grace and roll with it day by day.
Michelle, Mrs. Michelle Gomez (mrsmichellegomez.com)

Becoming a stay-at-home mom for myself was completely new and eye opening when the pandemic first happened. Two things I learned to work on for myself that I would suggest to any stay-at-home mom is to not pressure yourself to complete every single task and to make sure to reach out to other moms or friends that will help you maintain your sense of self. We become so focused on doing and going for our family and household that we don’t do the simple things that make us happy and feel like the individual we are.
Nicole, The Expressive Mom (theexpressivemom.com)

Do you have a tip for other stay-at-home moms?

Were you a stay-at-home parent or plan on becoming one?

Let me know below!

How to Get Out of a Bad Mood Quickly

December 13, 2021

I’m irritable right now. I am beyond irritable – I am crawling out my skin with grumpiness.

I’m well versed in the idea of “man plans, and God laughs” – no matter what time I get up in the morning or how detailed my to-do list is, things never quite go how I lay them out.

And that’s okay!

I will say that the days when I don’t get some alone time to recharge, I can get super grumpy!

I’ve always needed time to center myself and take mental breaks – very hard to do now with a busy toddler. I use nap time just for me, but on days when my husband works late, a 1.5 hour break out of a 12 hour day doesn’t feel like enough.

So, here are some things I do throughout the day to get out of a bad mood – quick!

Drink water
Have a snack
Do a 5 minute clean of my space
Meditate
Do a quick exercise
Text a friend
Put my face in a bowl of cold water
Go outside
List 5 things I’m grateful for
Write it out

I think the most important one for me on this list is doing a 5 minute clean because now that I have a toddler, it’s one mess after another. I can never seem to keep on top of it all! There is always laundry to be folded or dishes to be washed or toys to put away. I know that this is a big source of stress for me so I plan on getting super organized in the new year!

Another one that almost always works for me is drinking water. I always feel like I’m doing my body a disservice by not staying hydrated, so this one really helps.

As you can see, a lot of my discontent stems from not having enough time or poor planning – definitely things I need to work on!

At the end of the day, when I take a step back and realize the things that I get stressed out about are fixable and not immediate.

I know that my job these days is to be present for myself and my child. The laundry can be folded later, the mess can go another day.

I always feel good when I’m plugged into the moment and rooted in gratitude. Spending quality time with the people I love, writing, moving my body and connecting with the world is when I feel most fulfilled – not when my house is sparkling clean or I’ve checked everything off of my to-do list.

I definitely need to remember that when I get a little grumpy!

What do you do to get out of a bad mood? Do you also believe you have to make a choice to get out of a bad mood?

Do you use anything on this list?

Let me know below!

10 Quotes about Motherhood

June 2, 2021

Here are 10 quotes about motherhood:

1. “When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.” – Sophia Loren

2. “…my job is to give them the space to explore and develop into the people they want to be. My hope is that, sometimes as parents, we do for our kids what we can’t find to do for ourselves.” – Michelle Obama

3. “I don’t go by the rule book. I lead from the heart, not the head.” – Princess Diana of Wales

4. “Mother’s love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved.” – Erich Fromm

5. “Having kids—the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings—is the biggest job anyone can embark on.” – Maria Shriver

6. “The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children.” – Jessica Lange

7. “God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers.” – Rudyard Kipling

8. “A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dates all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.” – Agatha Christie