life lessons Archives - Leaf and Steel

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Being a stay-at-home mom is hard work! I knew that being constantly responsible for Baby M and putting my career on hold would be a challenge, but I deeply underestimated the sacrifice I was making.

I feel incredibly blessed to be able to stay home with my daughter – especially when she was a tiny infant. It was a decision that my husband and I discussed before we were even married. There was no question that we wanted me to be home with the baby for the first year or two.

We’ve put off a lot of “big” expenses and I definitely have given up a portion of my sanity, but it’s all been worth it.

Keep reading to hear tips from fellow stay-at-home moms!

“Having kids—the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings—is the biggest job anyone can embark on.”
Maria Shriver

What’s the hardest part about being a stay-at-home mom?

For me, the hardest part about being a stay-at-home mom is not having the structure of a workday on top of not having my own income.

I’m sure you already know that being a stay-at-home mom is work. I know that I’m personally exhausted at the end of the day, even if it sometimes feels like I didn’t actually do anything.

Sometimes I have to remind myself of that a nanny or housekeeper would get paid for what I’m doing for free.

I have feverous re-read this article from Investopedia, “How Much Is a Stay-at-Home Parent Worth?” (click for reference):

According to 2019 data from Salary.com, if you are a stay-at-home parent and paid for your services, you would be looking at a median annual salary of $178,201. Why? Because many stay-at-home parents work around the clock. If you have young children, work can often mean nighttime feedings, greeting early morning risers, and late-night meal prep.
Investopedia, How Much Is a Stay-at-Home Parent Worth?

Is being a stay-at-home mom worth it?

If you’re looking for an answer to this, you won’t find one.

One reason is that the answer varies based on your partner’s income, your home life, your child’s needs, the economy, and your personality. You will find plenty of working moms who wish to be home, and moms who spend naptime dreaming of being back at the office.

We can’t choose all paths, right? So, there’s always going to be a sacrifice. I know I have put my career on hold for time with my daughter, time that I know I won’t get back. I don’t know how that will affect my long-term earning power or work life.
Is it worth it? I believe that happy, secure parents = happy, secure baby, so whatever gets you there is the right path to walk.

Tips from stay-at-home moms

Here’s my tip:

Do whatever you want while baby is napping. Whatever you want. Whether that’s a nap or scrolling on Instagram or eating raw cookie dough while writing a blog post (like I am right now). Save the chores and checklists for when baby is up. They are fine entertaining themselves or observing you!
O, Leaf and Steel

The best tip I have for stay-at-home moms is… Be you and be gentle with you! There is no stay-at-home mold, so trying to put yourself into one or creating one, may be be very frustrating. Being as true to yourself is what will make this season enjoyable. So if your an artist at heart, paint with you littles. If you are a chef at heart, whip it up in the kitchen with kiddos. If you are a napper at heart. Create a schedule that includes spa like vibes and cucumber water and lay-it-down! Just remember this a hard job, but mama you are right for the job and if someone doesn’t like what or how you do it… tell them to stay hydrated and mind their business.
Leah, Those Who Can’t Vlog, Blog (itsleahb.wordpress.com)

“As a stay-at-home mom, I have had to learn many things, but the most important thing I have learned is that I am enough. My son doesn’t care how I look, how much money I make, or what my past looks like-he only cares about me being there for him. Being the best mom I can be, every day, is more than enough for him.”
Jaimie, The Naptime Blogger (thenaptimeblogger.com)

Don’t read into the motherhood help books/websites too much. It will cause you more stress than you already can handle in daily life. Give yourself grace and roll with it day by day.
Michelle, Mrs. Michelle Gomez (mrsmichellegomez.com)

Becoming a stay-at-home mom for myself was completely new and eye opening when the pandemic first happened. Two things I learned to work on for myself that I would suggest to any stay-at-home mom is to not pressure yourself to complete every single task and to make sure to reach out to other moms or friends that will help you maintain your sense of self. We become so focused on doing and going for our family and household that we don’t do the simple things that make us happy and feel like the individual we are.
Nicole, The Expressive Mom (theexpressivemom.com)

Do you have a tip for other stay-at-home moms?

Were you a stay-at-home parent or plan on becoming one?

Let me know below!

Where should a young woman be at 28?

The truth is, I have no idea.

I took markers of “success” off of a timeline years ago.

“Age is just a number”. It’s the oldest cliche.

It gets repeated for a reason.

It doesn’t really matter when or how you get to to the things that you want, or if those things look different to you than your peers.

Let me tell you about the last 6 months…

My life is different than it was 6 months ago – how amazing is that?

I created some habits that I practiced (almost) daily that made monumental changes to how I felt about myself and how I handled my procrastination issues.

Some of the changes that I made six months ago were:

Blog consistently
Get moving every day

Tidy my house at the end of the night

That’s it! Nothing groundbreaking. After dozens and dozens of speeches to myself saying “this is the day I’m going to change my life!”, it was the creation of tiny habits that actually changed me.

Where I am now.

I’m in what they call a good place. What that means to me is I’m pretty content with the way that I handle things and what I’ve done in my life so far.

What I wish I had done differently at this point in my life.

I could make a post called “27 Regrets in 27 Years”, but I don’t think I have that many. I’m a big believer in the “everything happens for a reason” baloney. The decisions that I’ve made in the past have brought me to this exact moment.

I know that if I had done one thing differently in my past that my daughter wouldn’t be here today.

If I do have one regret, it’s not wearing my retainer after I got my braces off. Now, I’ll eventually have to spend thousands of dollars to fix my crooked teeth. I’d like to thank my 16-year-old self for the lack of foresight.

27 Things I’ve Learned in 27 Years

It’s okay to love the things you love (music, clothing, etc.).
There is no way around car maintenance – it’s not going to fix itself.
Love is a very small fraction of what makes relationships work.

Tattoos are permanent (the reality of this didn’t really sink in until a few years ago).
Spend more time with the people you love.
Get some hobbies that you won’t try to monetize- better still, do some volunteering! Anthony P Orlich talks more about the benefits of this on his blog.

It’s okay to not be informed about everything going on in the world.
There is a right and a wrong way to apologize.
If it can be done now, do it now.

You get out what you put in, in most cases.
Don’t pour boiling hot water on your windshield.
Books are not a waste of time.

Neither are really good TV shows.
Never mix bleach with another cleaning product.
It’s never too late to start.

Time really does go by faster the older you get.
You gain more confidence with time (a group of “old” ladies told me this and I didn’t believe them).
There is freedom in routines.

If you spend the money to go to a professional, filing taxes isn’t all that painful.
You will only have yourself at the end of the day.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

Take care of your body.
You don’t have to be productive all the time.
Be exceptionally kind to service people.

Good sleep and free time are the true currencies of adulthood.
You can change your life through actions, not decisions.
Joy is a choice.

Are you in a “good place” in your life?

Do you agree or disagree with anything on this list?