…and I think I know why. I’m 23. I’m at an age where some of the magic has worn off. I don’t live at home anymore and my brother and sister live out of state. Other than my fiancé’s niece and nephew there aren’t any kids in the family. I’m old enough to buy presents for people, young enough to still have “I’m almost broke” as an excuse.

Christmas has always been THE holiday for my family. You know how every family has a thing? Like a thing, thing? Some families have a vacation spot, a 4th of July barbecue, the Super Bowl…my family has Christmas. And every year my mom says “let’s keep it small this year – buy each other what you really want and nothing else. We all laugh to appease her and then empty our wallets. I truly have always looked forward to this time with my family. Like the rest of the world, they just get happier.

Christmas was pure magic as a kid. Not so much in what we would get, but the process of it; waking up early, me and my siblings sitting at the top of the stairs, rushing down those stairs to see dozens of presents under the tree. You get the idea. It was the preparation my parents took that made it so seamless and enchanting. And now we’re all semi-adults and probably won’t decorate the tree.

So, I’m trying to enjoy this last Christmas being a part of my family. I’ve felt a little abandoned or disconnected since getting engaged. I think the idea of changing my name and my fiancé, not my parents, being the one in charge of pulling the plug in case of an emergency has gotten to me more than I’d like to admit…

I think in writing this I may