Leaf and Steel

motherhood - growth - living

The Weirdest Week of the Year

…it is, isn’t it?

The week between Christmas and New Year’s is weird.

Our decorations are still up and my pants still don’t fit.

Everyone is nervous about the virus, and rightfully so. It is burning through New York right now, and it seems everyone I know has it.

I have this fidgety energy around the New Year and all the things I want to accomplish.

I know that this week is meant for relaxation and reflection, but I can’t bring myself to do either!

I just can’t wait for a fresh start in January. I find myself sighing loudly throughout the day, as if I could let out all the distress of 2021 out in a sigh.

In a few days I’ll be clinking my glass of Martinelli’s and on my merry way to a new and shiny year.

Exhausted,

O.

More from Leaf and Steel:

I Started a Sister Blog

I started a sister blog at gratefulgrowingmama.com!

I love blogging here at Leaf & Steel.

I really do.

There have been two changes in my blogging life in the past year, one being the birth of my daughter. I know that my content has shifted further into the motherhood niche.

The other big change is I’ve started to treat this blog like a business! And I’m actually starting to make money.

So, I wanted a space that would focus on motherhood and making money as a stay-at-home-mom.

This will always be my first home!

Please follow along if you would like.

Best,

O.

Our First Autumn

It’s her first autumn.

We walk. She turns her head back and forth, watching the wind blow through the trees. I show her how to crunch leaves. She shows me how to eat them.

I see now that it’s my first autumn as well.

We bring the blanket outside. She points to the house. She points to the bushes. She points to her swing.

We bake pumpkin rolls. We listen to fall songs. We read fall books. She turns the pages.

These moments are borrowed.

Sometimes I feel as if she’s on loan to me.

The rational science part of me leaves and I really feel like we were placed with each other, rather than her being the result of conception.

She is the constant reminder to be here now.

2020 Goal: Live Like I’m Dying

I’ve never been one for New Year’s resolutions.

Especially not now. You see, I completed mine. It was to go one year without Diet Coke. I did it. I thought about drinking one every once and awhile, but didn’t.

Drinking Diet Coke wasn’t ruining my life; I just wanted to prove that I could do it. I wanted to show myself that I could not do something for a year.

But yesterday, I had a moment. I was packing my bag for work and I realized that I haven’t done a thing this year.

I put off so much.

I said no to so much.

I let so many calls go to voicemail and settled for “good enough” in most areas of my life.

So, what are my hi-lights of this year? Besides not drinking soda? I broke my wrist and lost a pregnancy. I got through both of these things with grace. But, they both happened to me, I didn’t make them happen.

I haven’t done a thing in 2019.

As I nervously jolt into the new year I thought of that Tim McGraw song “Live Like You Were Dying. It’s from forever ago. Yes, 2004 was forever ago.

It’s so cheesy, but I love this song. It tells the story of, well, living like you were dying. The lyrics are sentimental and powerful:

“I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I’d been denying”

That’s the energy I want in 2020. I’ve put off so much. Here are the things I want to bring into the New Year:

  • More photos. You can never take too many photos, especially with loved ones.
  • Saying yes. Yes to friends, yes to risks. I let my friendships fall to the wayside constantly, and that has to change.
  • Writing more. I say this every year. Maybe when the ball drops it’ll stick.

And that’s it. I want more out of live.

I almost died. I deserve to take the biggest slice of cake.

What are your goals in 2020?

O.