If Not Now, When?

Ah, a new year. Here we are, in the space between exhaustion of the holidays and the vast bleakness that is January in the Northeast. I don’t need to spell out why 2020 was an absolute disaster for everyone. History textbooks are going to need a whole chapter for this one.

It wasn’t all bad. I participated in the collective panic and boredom. I doom scrolled. I baked  bread, made Dalonga coffee, watched Tiger King, cleaned all the closets, Netflix-d to my heart’s content. I took time to educate myself on BLM. I stayed up all night watching Steve Kornacki punching numbers and cried a week later when the election was called.

I watched the numbers curve and dip and soar. I washed my hands and wore my mask.

It was a long year. 

2019 was boring. 2020 was supposed to be better. I look back at my list of ‘resolutions’ for 2020 and laugh. Please share in my amusement:

  • Visit a new state (cancelled)
  • Go to church more (cancelled)
  • Visit my Grandfather more (um, so cancelled)
  • Throw a party (very cancelled)
  • Have more experiences (to be fair I did get to a museum, national dog show and sporting event before lockdown)

Hilarious, right? If only I knew. I remember I intentionally did not put down “get pregnant” as not to jinx my chances. Of course, I ended up (happily!) pregnant at the beginning of March, which you can read about here. I’m wary of setting any expectation for the year ahead.

My husband and I usually go to the same party every year. There’s amazing buffalo dip and friends. This year there was no party, no dip. We made pizza in our new Breville pizza maker (10/10 recommend). I drank some nasty sparkling grape juice. We watched Shark Tank until 11:59 when we switched to Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year’s Eve. The ball dropped and New York, New York played. I got my New Year’s kiss. 

It was midnight and nothing changed. I didn’t change.

I usually love New Year’s. It gives us permission to say that we have room for improvement, that we haven’t been perfect. It shows us that we crave change. Discipline.

I am in desperate need of discipline. I’ve had this blog since 2016. Every year I tell myself I’m going to put in the effort to make it into something, whatever that is.

The Bill Phillips quote “the difference between who you are and who you want to be, is what you do” rings true. It’s the only inspirational quote I’ll ever prescribe.

The only difference between this blog being a bi-monthly dumping ground and an actual vessel for my thoughts and recommendations is me. What a terribly freeing thought that is. 

I always tell myself I’m going to insert action more. I’m going to walk more. Read more. Cook more. Laugh more. Write more. Today I ask myself, if not now, when?

We all have moments of if not now, when? This blog and 2021 are mine.

Do you have something you love to do, but put on the backburner? Let me know below.

Humbly,

O.

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