Leaf and Steel

I wanted to post an update on quitting smoking. Today is week 3. On the good side of the spectrum, my skin is clearing up, my general cravings have left and my teeth and eyes are whitening. My general level of anxiety has gone down a notch and I have less guilt about consciously killing myself.
I don’t want to ever discourage anyone from quitting – it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made and smoking is NOT an option. But this is so much harder than I thought it would be. I was under the impression you had to get through the first three days, or the first week and then it’d be smooth sailing.
I was wrong. I thought I’d be feeling a little more…consistent by now. Somehow I’m still plagued by irritability and mild depression. This experience has definitely given me a lot of compassion for my friends who struggle with mental illness. I feel disinterested, unsatisfied and sluggish. It’s causing me to act out with overeating (a new void-filler), spending, and snapping. It’s like I don’t want to be around anyone because my fuse is short, and then the isolation makes me feel insecure and lonely..and I’m starting to enter a viscous cycle.
I know the solution lies in talking about it, changing my behaviors and waiting for the feelings to pass. I know that these feelings are temporary. I know that this is just my brain rewiring itself. And I know that quitting smoking was the greatest gift I could give myself.
I’m going to stick with it. If anything, this is a great incentive not to smoke. I never want to go through this again.
I will persevere.
O.